hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
