i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
