When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
