The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
