So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
