I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
