so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
