HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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