remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
