i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
