I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Come on in and take your pants off
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