I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
