dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
