I'm so fucking centered right now
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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