I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'