I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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