We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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