There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
