I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dick very happy bro
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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