there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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