OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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