Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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