If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
