see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
