"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I lost the right to judge tonight
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
