I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
