no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
