whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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