8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
