a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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