I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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