Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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