i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
