You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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