Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Can you bring me the toilet please
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
