I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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