Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
