i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Randomize
