Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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