no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
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So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
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My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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