Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
