I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
