I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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