im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
