So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
