it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
