Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Of course I have a pirate flag
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
