a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
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