Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
