dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
