I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Drunk is not a location!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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