she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
