Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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