After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
