lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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