I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
