apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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