He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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