how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
