1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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