isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
