Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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