I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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